I am a little overwhelmed. But it seems to be getting better. It's just the mess that I can't get on top of. The girls try to help, but end up frustrating me when they ask me where to put stuff and I don't know. And I just haven't had time to preclean the places we're sleeping and stuff, which grosses me out, but I just keep assuring myself that no one will die. It's still cleaner than my ex mother inlaw's, where they spent all summer. It's a constant internal conversation in my head. "It's not the kids, they're being good. Just breathe, in a couple weeks all this stress will be hard to remember. We have food, a roof, a place to sleep (even if we don't have beds yet) and a paycheck coming. I have work through October at least. Things will work out. Child support is coming again, consistently, and more than before, even if it isn't the full amount. We will make it." I go through this at least 500 times a day in my head. My spinning, aching head. I was going to work today, overtime, but woke up at 5:38 in tears because I was so tired so I called my supervisor and said I couldn't. Which was fine. But $220 I could have made. Oh well. I slept til 11, apparently I needed it. And then I have gotten so much done, little stupid things that were swirling in my mixed up head. changed addresses, visited all the girls schools (which opened a whole new can of confusing worms), finished cleaning my room at the old house, all moved out of there... it was a productive day. Now I get to make a whole new list for tomorrow and monday (working sunday), and try to get a million more little things done.
Tomorrow I want to take the girls up to Crater Lake, so they don't feel like this whole Bend thing is a big crock of nasty mom business. We drove up to the top of lava butte last night after another load from storage. The butte sits smack dab in the middle of town, so the sun was just setting and the lights of Bend were twinkling like a million pixies in the pink light. It was really pretty. The girls loved it. It smelled like sage and juniper. I think that is my favorite thing about this place. The smell, it's everywhere. Not great for allergies, but in the summer time sometimes there's some smoke from the big fires and then I am really happy. :)
Our yard has aspen trees. There aren't a ton of Aspen trees here so it's cool that our yard has them. Aspen of course thinks that's why we live here, or the trees are here, because we are. It all makes sense to her. They've been organizing their play house, and Natalee has invented a new art medium of leaves and sap and rocks. They're pretty little pieces. I was a little outraged at the pitch in Aspen's hair, but oh well, it happens, in the name of artistic endeavor.
Obviously I need to make some friends so I don't randomly gush everything out at you. I usually blog this stuff. Maybe I will copy and paste so that the other two people who care about us can read it, and my mom who secretly reads my blog and won't admit it until I write something that really pisses her off. But I am glad that she can keep up with us even when she's pretending not to. And I like to imagine that not everything I write is offensive to her. :)
Ok, gotta make another run to the storage unit. My back is doing so much better that I think I will try to get my 500lb table into my tahoe, just so I can complain again. But if it won't fit there's still plenty of other garbage that I can't believe I moved here. My old roommate (from last week) has said I can have a yard sale at his house in town. which will be good.
-L
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