lifeline

Contrary to widely held beliefs, I still pray. I pray to a God who transcends all religions, denominations, races, creeds, genders, doctrines, politics and basically every level of humanness. There is no room for human pettiness in the realm of the God I pray to. But three or four times a year, possibly closely correlated with hormonal peaks and ebbs, and/or major life traumas (side note: according to a recent pamphlet I read about life traumas and how they can effect one's health, I realized that on an annual basis my kids and I were subjected to life traumas [i.e. moving, illness, moving, loss of job, moving, changing schools, moving, etc.] at least two or three times a year.) happening around us, I pray to God for a lifeline. A phone call, a book, a fortune from a fortune cookie, a quote in a restaurant bathroom stall, anything that can touch me where I wallow and remind me that survival is possible. I pray earnestly and fervently, and I listen for the response every time my phone rings, watch every billboard and read every horoscope in anticipation of the lifeline I need. It has been my sister many times. My mother, even a brother a time or two. It has been the most unexpected of friends, obscure of song lyrics, or completely misinterpreted sign. But wherever it finds me, the lifeline has never not been there, evidence once again of a God much greater than human contraptions that say inspiration comes from Oswald Chambers, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul or the Kabbalah. Granted any of those could be the source of a lifeline sometime, but it's refreshing to know that God can reach me through the reflection in a mud puddle or the twisting of a tree branch just as easily. I have decided to not take any of the little messages that life gives me for granted. I am curious to know when I might be handed a lifeline that I didn't even know I need... sometimes I think that's what a horoscope is good for. Especially the ones in Cosmo.

One of my goals this year, in addition to walking/biking to work, losing 35 lbs, and getting off ALL of my drugs, is to read books that were written as lifelines. Since I have already read the bible three times cover to cover in two different translations, I am going to move on. Maybe the Torah, the Qur'an, that obscure little book written by Ghandi that the guy I met at McMenamin's told me about, Frank Sinatra's autobiography, and obviously, if Will Ferrel had a philosophy book published, that would top the list. Maybe this reading list is one of my more realistic goals. If only I could find a way to get paid to read them. Like with working out, if I could get paid for it it would be so much easier. Which is actually ridiculous, since the forest service technically can pay me for 30 minutes of physical training a day and I have yet to cash in on that...

Why the hell am I still wide awake at 3 AM?