Catching Up

so many things have happened in the last couple of months. good things. unexpected things. things like driving for two days to Reno with all four kids for a single concert, and then all the way back. things like getting a job with the Deschutes National Forest by basically cold calling the forest archaeologist and begging repeatedly to be hired. awesome things like packing my entire life up (yet again) and moving it into a storage unit (yet again) in the amazing city of Bend, Oregon, where I hope to stay for a very, very long time.

Last year, when I made the foolhardy decision to drive all over the northwest for some silly concerts, who would have thought that hitchhiking my way with a total stranger (Hollie Ash), to another total stranger's house (Dusty MacNeill), where I met a whole group of even stranger strangers (Timdog, Josh, Ben, Lindy, Olychild), I would eventually connect with some strange guy at a show in Southern Oregon who would eventually be my roommate (Ricker)? for all of the flack I get about my TAB obsession, I must say it has served me well. Provided me with a widespread community of friends, some of which I have yet to meet (Ben Dover), and many of which have profoundly affected my life in intentional and unintentional ways. So here I sit, in Ricker's spare room, answering to all of the gossipy speculation that comes with the announcement that I have moved in with a single male. We of course, immediately started Avett nerding out, comparing concert experiences, trivial knowledge and signed posters. it's a geeky sort of paradise. And Ricker loves my fat dog. Just yesterday they were discussing the finer aspects of lawn aeration and appropriate lounging techniques. We should be JUST fine for a couple of months.

And there is this boy (Calvin Lowry). silly me with my schoolgirl crush on a boy who is much too young for me. but he has been my lifeline. my sidekick, my shoulder and my muscle for the last few weeks. and now I miss him. he reminded me what it feels like to be treasured, valued, respected. he has made me happy. consistently happy. happier than I can remember being in many, many years. He is the wrong boy for me in so many ways, but the more time I spend with him I know that I love who he is for all of the right reasons. this is what a relationship should be based on, mutual respect, equal footing, understanding, tolerance, and working to overcome the insecurities, attitudes and habits that tear people apart. he has been my hero. and I miss him already.

somewhere in the last couple of months I squeezed out an entire semester's worth of school, and surprised myself with only one D in the whole load of credits. A D that I am hoping to somehow redeem to a C. Ordinarily, a full load of online classes would be a bunch of no-sweat A's, but working 6 days a week, trying to be some sort of a mother, and meet all of the other requirements on me somehow took my grades out at the knees. Since January, I have been a professional house cleaner, painter, hardware store clerk, beer bottler, babysitter, biathlon organizer, student, karaoke dj, mother and every once in awhile, a friend. I miss my friends. I have had so little time to chase them down and find out their worries and struggles, which is the thing that make my own burdens seem easier to bear. When my shoes start to feel uncomfortable, it helps me to try someone else's on, someone that I care about, and realize that everybody has miserable feet sometimes. I am a lucky girl. I am sludging through the muck of a messy life in my heavy boots and I am making it.

I am slated for graduation in one year. Graduation from college. It's only taken me 12 years, but it will be a B.S. degree that I earned all on my own, racking up debt and barely skimming by with passing grades while I juggle it all. I can't wait to have that stupid little piece of paper that kids ten years younger than me think they are working hard for. That will be gratification. The same gratification that I felt when I watched my kids play soccer, or tuba, or stand in the front row at an Avett Brother's concert and sing every word. There is a smugness that I feel, knowing that somehow I had a hand in shaping this thing, this success. I made it happen. I will figure out how to pay for it later. In the meantime, I will cry tears of thanks and relief for every returned overdraft fee from the people on the other end of the phone at Bank of America (I LOVE you Ida!).

I have to go explore my new city now, so I can seem somewhat knowledgeable when I start work on Monday morning. I will be a federal employee. And my first weekend includes a paid holiday, as if to remind me of how completely awesome my new job is, and the fact that I made the right choice, regardless of the headaches and stress. I am happy. I am excited. I am here. Come see me!!!!